A Tale of Computer Woe; Service Pack 3

A week ago Friday, I could not get on the internet of or get e-mail. I could, however, use voice over internet and call the cable company to get help. I went through the automated troubleshooting system until it asked if I was calling over a voice over internet phone and stated that I'd likley have to turn off the computer and unplug it, in which case I'd lose phone service. So, I was connected to a technical helper who, after running some diagnostics (or at least that's what he pretended to be doing), informed me that it was the router for my Vonage service and that I should call Motorola. He gave me the numbers.

Motorola had a lengthy phone menu that, once I finally got to the product type I was dealing with, informed me to contact my internet service provider. D'oh! I bet the Cablevision tech guy was laughing at how I had gotten the old runaround. I bet he has a chalkboard behing his station where he marks each time he gets a schmuck off the line with the old call Motorola ploy.

I had a stiff one to calm myself and called back. This time I had use of a cell phone and was able to bypass the router altogether and establish that the router was not the problem. Tech #2 spent quite a while with me, then despaired and suggested that I needed a new ethernet card.

Mrs Vache Folle went to Staples where the geek derided the idea that the ethernet card was the issue. He wouldn't even sell her one but suggested that we bring the computer in for a diagnostic scan. When I told my carpool companion what I was going to do, he offered to come over and fix the problem. He's a ninth level IT mage, so I was grateful. He couldn't do this until over a week after the problem manifested itself. He tinkered around, familiarized himself with my antiquated system, and called Cablevision where he impersonated me. I listened to his side of the conversation, and if I closed my eyes, I could imagine I was in a Nick Burns skit. With his help, Cablevision finally hit on a plausible explanation: some software defect was preventing Cablevision from recognizing my computer's address.

So, my friend the IT mage and I got drunk while we watched "The Big Lebowski" on DVD. This morning, he fiddled around for a half hour, discovered that MS Windows Service Pack 3 was the problem. It contained a bug or feature, who knows which, that blocked the cable company. He uninstalled it, and voila!

To Cablevision, Motorola and Microsoft: thanks for nothing. Kudos to Staples, unless they were setting us up to sell us a new system, in which case shame on them. Many thanks to the IT mage and his willingness to work for booze.