What if there was a way to mitigate any of the potentially negative consequences of sexual activity? You know, prevent STDs, unwanted pregnancies, social stigmas? Would there be any reason not to promote the use of such tools and let people enjoy sex without let or hindrance?
I am as sexually repressed as any middle aged WASP brainwashed from birth by Baptists and having no Viagra prescription, but I reckon that there is no good reason for me to take it out on anyone else. Enjoy your sex, say I! Have at it with gusto. Don’t let me stand in your way. You see, I have come to realize that I am no better off for my denial and guilt. I can’t really rationally argue the case for abstinence or moderation. Don’t have fun? Don’t have much fun? All I can advocate is prudence: use condoms, use other birth control, look after your emotional well being, don’t get obsessed.
In a lot of ways, much of the “damage” attributable to sexuality is an artifact of repression. We keep sex secret so young people are misinformed and get STDs and become pregnant. We surround it with shame and guilt so as to detract from its enjoyment.
So when the “government” promotes abstinence only sex education or refuses to allow emergency contraception because of fears that teenagers might have sex, I am not persuaded by its logic. Why would I want to keep teens from having sex? I want to keep teens from getting STDs and getting pregnant (unless they want to be pregnant). ONE WAY to prevent these consequences is to eschew sex, but I don’t reckon that this is a method that should be privileged over all others.
The downside of abstinence is that you are not having sex. It’s a little like saying that the best way to make sure that you don’t ingest rat poison is to fast. OK, strained analogy. It’s like saying that the best way to avoid drowning is never to go swimming. To avoid car accidents, never get in a car. We wouldn’t dream of keeping our kids from swimming or taking advantage of the internal combustion engine. Rather, we would teach them to swim and to observe traffic safety rules. Abstinence only sex education and such programs are not about preventing the potential negative consequences of sex; they are about preventing sex.
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Thank you very much for writing this. Seriously, if every "middle aged WASP brainwashed from birth by Baptists" in this country had the courage to let go of the ressentiment they were taught- a ressentiment which does terrible harm to third parties (especially children), this would be a much better place. It is by such acts of examining one's life by which cycles of violence are ended.
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