Keep Off the Gators

We lived in Florida for five years with our three medium sized dogs. Neither I, my wife, nor any of our dogs was ever eaten by an alligator, even though we came in contact with alligators almost every day. We knew that any body of water was apt to contain a gator, and we took care to stay out of harm’s way. We spent a lot of time out of doors hiking and camping and what have you, but we used caution in dealing with gators and venomous snakes. Some gator encounters are just bad luck, though, especially in mating season when they turn up in back yards and mall parking lots.

Some tips for gator safety:

1. If your golf ball lands within 10 feet of a gator, let it go and take a penalty shot.

2. If your golf ball goes into a water hazard, consider it gone forever. It’s not worth being gator food.

3. If you’re playing fetch with your Labrador, check the water for gators first, and keep checking at regular intervals.

4. If you’re water skiing on the Suwanee River, and your friends tell you there are no gators in the river, keep in mind that they are liars.

5. Always assume that there is a gator in any water you can’t see through to the bottom.

6. Don’t molest the gators. Don’t pet the gators. Don’t feed the gators from the barbecue no matter how much they beg or how cute they might be.

7. Don’t go swimming in the dark where gators might be.

One of the reasons we left Florida was the large carnivorous reptiles. It’s good to be back on top of the food chain. Of course, we ended up in cougar territory for a few years, but that's a different story.