Monday, March 17, 2008

Laura Ingraham: Douchebaggette

Professional harpy Laura Ingraham says Brett Favre is a woman because he cried on the TV.
Frack you, Laura Ingraham! First of all, it is not an insult to call someone a woman. It would be an insult to call them a Laura Ingraham but not a woman in general. Second of all, it is not unmanly to cry. Achilles himself cried over the loss of Briseis, and he was the manliest man who has ever lived. Jesus wept, thank you very much, and I don’t think anyone doubts his manhood, except maybe Laura Ingraham, Jesus hater.

Men cry all the time. Them as don’t cry were fracked up by some crazy oppressive parent or teacher, like a Laura Ingraham, who lied to them and said that the penis disabled the tear ducts and the heart that could be broken. Them as don’t cry are them as don’t have the courage to have a broken heart. I don’t much trust a man who can’t cry unless he has some physical impairment of the tear ducts, in which case I feel pretty bad for him.

I cry all the time. Now, mind you, I’m not particularly sensitive to slights and insults and I am way more likely to laugh at you if you try to insult me than I am to cry. But my heart is broken, and I sometimes weep at the suffering in the world, at losses of loved ones, at serious disappointments, at some movies, when I hear some poems or songs, and at odd moments of joy or experience of the sublime. Sometimes I cry when I pray. And I’m not a woman. I was born with a penis and tear ducts and a heart capable of being touched.

I didn’t know who Laura Ingraham was before, but now I can add her to my list of douchebags that I don’t want to have anything to do with.

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