Deciding Among Holy Books

Three guys with three different holy books that they firmly believe to be the inerrant Word of God walk into a bar and start trying to convert one another. The first guy (let's call him Andy) says: "My book is the Word of God. It says so right here on page 1196." The second guy (let's call him Brian) replies: "That's just plain stupid. My book is really the Word of God. Some guy whom a lot of us believe was the most important prophet ever and whose every word was holy writ said so." The third guy (Carl) says: "Prophet Schmophet! He was a charlatan, and it's crazy to believe anything he said about anything. My book really is the Word of God. I know it is because my prophet who lived a lot longer time ago than Brian's so called prophet said so. "

The bartender (Doug) remarks: "You can't all be right. At most, only one of your books is the inerrant Word of God. It's likely none is. It seems to me that God would make the matter a lot less equivocal, maybe with some kind of sign or something." A guy at the end of the bar (Elroy) pipes up: "I can suggest a way to solve the dilemma. Let's take a poll and see which book is the most popular and assume that its popularity is a sign from God of the book's validity." But Andy, Brian and Carl would have none of it. Elroy had another suggestion: "How about a coin toss or cutting cards? Ask God to influence the outcome so as to identify the true Word of God." This wasn't acceptable either. As Andy said: "But I would still believe my book was the right one no matter what the outcome of the coin toss was. I can't control what I believe." Elroy wouldn't give up: "How about a contest of strength or skill? Surely God will favor the champion of the real Word of God." Andy's objection, shared by the others, still pertained.

Another bar fly (Frank) observed: "It looks like there is no way to decide among the books and that you just have to accept that it is purely a matter of faith." Brian: "You're right, stranger. It appears that my acquaintances here cannot be persuaded and will end up in hell no matter how hard I try to convince them of the truth. You can't say I didn't try." Andy: "I guess as long as Brian and Carl can be made to follow the rules in my book, I shouldn't care much whether they believe in it in their hearts." Carl: "Hey! Not so fast, Andy! My book has different rules that you and Brian are going to have to follow if I have anything to say about it."

Frank: "Why don't you each just follow your own book as you sit fit and leave the rest alone to follow their own consciences?" Andy, Brian and Carl: "Because our books won't let us! Besides, in addition to being religious nuts, we're authoritarians who are incapable of minding our own business!"

Finally, an old man (Greg) in a booth in the back spoke up: "Why don't you just kill everyone who doesn't follow your book or at the very least use plitical power to coerce others into following it regardless of their beliefs? God will surely see to it that His true believers prevail." And that's what Andy, Brian and Carl decided to do even though it was one of the same solutions Elroy had offered earlier only to have it rejected. Elroy was pretty miffed as you might imagine.