Olestra

Business people are funny as hell. Take the guys at Starbucks who decided that it was impossible to have too many Starbucks stores. Hell, you could put a Starbucks inside another Starbucks as far as they were concerned. Starbucks just got wise.

For my part, I'd like to know what happened to the guys who decided to go in a big way with olestra. It's a fat but you can eat a lot more of the junk fried in it because it's indigestible! The only catch is that if you eat a lot of olestra fried goodies, you get abdominal cramps and loose stools, ie anal leakage. And why eat olestra fried goodies if you aren't going to pig out? I have an equally cunning idea for a greasy fried snack food that will allow you to eat it without taking in too many calories. Make it taste like turds. That way folks won't want to eat too many of them. They'll be able to eat all they want because they won't want much. It's a can't lose marketing idea, just like olestra.

I bet the olestra team guys don't even mention it on their resumes. If they did, how would they put it? "Accomplishments: devised and implemented a strategy to discourage consumers from junk food abuse."

The olestra division's mission statement? "We add value to the corporation by giving as many of its customers as possible a memorable experience from using our products. We build brand loyalty by associating our products with anal leakage."