I'm not Gay, Not that there'd be Anything Wrong with That

I wondered, as I downed my second scotch and soda, whether my last post made me seem like some kind of metrosexual. Then I realized that I'm overweight. Metrosexuals aren't overweight. I'm just into pampering myself, that's all. I'm selfish, not metrosexual. I needed a freaking massage, mani-pedi, haircut. I was just on a 16 hour transcontinental plane trip (LA to SLC to ATL-Newburgh, NY), I tear up my nails in the garden, and my hair was getting shaggy. So screw you judgmental pricks!

I recall my Idiot Brother in Law remarking one day as we pushed a perambulator in Central Park whether folks would mistake us for a gay couple with a baby (the wives were on a carriage ride). I didn't thinks so. At the time, we were both fatties. A five year bender helped him get lean. I'm still overweight and unlikely to be mistaken for gay.

Back in the day when I was scrawny, I had many a comical "I thought you were gay" episode. I never was, although there would be nothing wrong if I were. I was just skinny and had pretty good taste in clothing and was a tolerant soul. I lived on cigarettes and coffee. I was hetero, though. I still am, or at least I think I would be if I still had sex (married 25 years, you know).

At one point, I was very concerned that I was pinging on the gaydar of so many people. What was I doing or saying that made so many gay guys come on to me? I was flattered, mind you, but I just wondered what the hell gave them the idea I was gay. Which I'm not. But which would be OK if I were. One former professor planted a big wet one right on my lips and was surprised that I did not respond as favorably as he expected. Others confided in me, came out to me, on the basis that they believed I was also gay. Which, as I've indicated, I am not. I was just skinny and mostly dateless. I was a nerd, not gay! I was in a couple of plays in high school, for crying out loud, but I was definitely not a drama fag.

I have always been open and affirming as to homosexuality. But I have never been gay. Did I mention that already? I have had gay friends, I have worked with people with AIDS as a volunteer, and I have always advocated for the rights of gay folks. I am gay-sympathetic, and I was so long before and in a place where it was not cool to be. I had black friends and have always been sympathetic to and fond of black people, but that does not make me black. As far as I know, nobody has ever mistaken me for a black person.

My own gaydar is very ineffective. I get a lot of false positives.