Friday, April 10, 2009


I had to explain why I don't have children today to the woman at the nail salon and to the hairstylist. I don't usually have to explain it, but these women were aliens who had a hrd time understanding that anyone would voluntarily forego the joys of parenting.

"You don't like children?" each asked in a different accent, one Chinese and the other Ecuadorian. I like them fine, just not enough to want to keep one in my house. I like chimps, too, but I don't want to share living quarters with one.

I didn't have kids because the numbers did not add up for us. The amusement we might have gotten from children did not seem to exceed the value of their direct costs and the opportunity costs they presented. In fact, we were rendered skeptical about the amusement value by the apparent misery of so many of our acquaintances who were parents. Accordingly, the amusement value had to be discounted by a factor that accounted for the uncertainty that it would be realized. This tipped the scales ever further toward the childfree lifestyle.

Other factors that influenced us were the degree to which Mrs Vache Folle's nephews were unbearable ingrates and whiners. We couldn't take a chance on ending up with kids like that.

Also, the creepiness of little children was a consideration.

I suppose if you could get your child at age 5 and up, when creepiness falls off, and could be sure that he or she was not a total douche, we might have considered it.

Do I regret that I never reproduced? It was the logical choice for us. If I have a regret it is that I live in a society that renders having children too costly and too risky.

1 comment:

Steve Scott said...

Are you up for babysitting my three kids? hehehe