Saturday, March 21, 2009


On my way home from Chicago yesterday, my pack of baby wipes was mistaken for a threat by the Transportation Security Administration, so my bag was searched. The day before, some TSA wankers in Stewart came into the gate area and demanded that a woman submit her coffee, which she had just purchased at the Euro Cafe by the gate, to a test for chemical agents. Do they have any idea how ridiculous this nonsense makes them appear? I don't carry toiletries any more just so I don't have to go through the indignity of having some TSA bureaucrat check to make sure I have less than 3 ounces of shampoo in a one quart zip lock bag. I note that the threat level is orange, so I have adjusted my routine accordingly.

I had the good fortune of sitting in first class for one leg of the journey home. First class means that you are treated as a human being with some modicum of dignity and get to sit in a seat in which an ordinary human body actually fits. And there's free booze.

The airport in Philly is as seedy as it gets. The toilets are filthy. There was a toilet at O'Hare, though, that took the prize for dysfunctionality. So much of the commode was taken up with an automated dispenser of a plastic seat cover that one's turd production apparatus was barely situated over the turd disposal area. And forget about peeing at the same time. The urination production apparatus was left suspended in space over one's trousers and feet.

Luckliy, I flew in and out of Stewart, the small regional airport just 25 miles from my house. I was able to jump in my car parked 100 yards from the terminal and drive home in about a half hour. Had I used Newark or La Guardia, it would have taken 30 minutes to find my car and a couple of hours to drive home.

1 comment:

Steve Scott said...

I simply don't fly anymore. I've only flown twice since 9/11, both on business, and both same-day round trippers without need for luggage. Flying used to suck as it was, but now the wanker coefficient is far too high.