Off to Negril

Mrs Vache Folle and I are headed off for a week in Jamaica, so I won’t be blogging for a while. I could use some rest as I am recovering from another bout of bronchitis. Moreover, I would like to be warm for a while. The pathologically frugal Mrs VF does not permit the thermostat to be set above 60. I aim to do some snorkeling and a whole lot of nothing for 7 days.

We are a little apprehensive about the trip because we are staying at a resort, Hedonism, with a reputation for wildness. The Folles are not wild. We’re tolerant of others, but we’re as dull as it gets. Moreover, we recently discovered that the resort is hosting a convention of swingers and wife swappers while we are there. I reckon it’s better we found out ahead of time so that we can avoid some comedic misunderstandings. I doubt anyone will want to swap husbands with Mrs VF, but Mrs VF is a looker. I aim to come home with the same wife I left with.

Another cause for some concern is that Mrs VF and I are the whitest non-albino people on the earth. Our ancestors apparently evolved on glaciers, and neither of us tans. We are apt to burst into flames if exposed to direct sunlight, so we will be easily identifiable by our hats and excessive clothing on an otherwise nude or near nude beach. This is for the health of our skin and, in my case, for humanitarian reasons. When I lived in Barbados, I was often taken for a native “Red Leg”, or white Bajun, because I did not have a tan and because I scurried from shade to shade.

Despite the concerns, I am keen to be off on vacation.