The Reluctant Environmentalist

I have done my part to perpetuate the local population of Great Blue Herons, otherwise known as those “f***king gray birds”, by providing them with several fish feasts. Mrs Vache Folle set the dogs on a heron on Sunday, but it apparently came back while we were at church and helped itself to all it could eat. The population of comets was noticeably reduced. Last night, a heron circled our yard and alit in a maple tree but left because we were standing by the pond. This morning, I awoke to see a heron standing on the lawn rubbing his belly and enjoying a postprandial aperitif. By the time I set the dogs on him he had taken off. I couldn’t see a single comet in the pond, although I harbor a slight hope that some were hiding under the aquatic vegetation.

Oh well. It’s the circle of life. The comets are only a dime apiece, and they had a good run in the pond instead of being fed to a cichlid. I suspect that some of the comet fry survived the onslaught of the heron, but I won’t know until a sunny day when I can see them.

This event got me to thinking about my other contributions to the environment. I feed songbirds and hummingbirds and mitigate the impact of habitat loss and housecats. Squirrels, chipmunks and voles also gain. I maintain four acres of forest that I could chop down or set afire if I wanted to. That’s got to count for something toward offsetting my carbon footprint. I keep a perennial garden, some items in which seem to be favorites of white tailed deer. I refrain from killing the deer and turkeys that travel across my property.

I let my lawns be as weedy as they are because I don’t want to add herbicides and pesticides or fertilizers to the environment. I keep a pond for the frogs and salamanders and crawdads and water snakes. I regularly expose myself to flies and mosquitoes that they might feed and prosper. I hypermile in my car and carpool.

And on top of all that I feed the herons. I’m a regular environmentalist.