Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Is it Even Possible to "Desecrate" a Flag?

Has it been a year already? The Senate is engaged in its annual flag desecration kabuki again.

I used to be disgusted by this, but now I have lowered my expectations about the Senate further than ever. Moreover, since it will always be with us, I have decided to use the flag desecration issue to my advantage. If you are for the amendment, I don’t need to bother to get to know you better, and I can move on to other potential friends without wasting any time on you. It would be really helpful if you announced your support for the amendment with bumper stickers or t-shirts or some such thing.

If you think the troops in Iraq are fighting for the flag, please say so right up front in our initial conversation. That way, I can make a quick excuse and beg off talking to you any longer than courtesy requires. Seriously, fighting and risking life and limb for a dyed piece of cloth? Riiight.

By all means plaster everything you own with flags of all shapes and sizes, with pictures of flags, with bunting, and anything suggestive of the flag. Wear flag clothing. Wrap a flag bandana around your dog’s neck. Put a flag pin on your lapel and on your fishing hat. That way, I can see you coming and avoid you.

Display your flag worship prominently at your place of business so I’ll know to take my custom elsewhere. If you are a politician, take a stand for the amendment so I’ll know never to vote for you. If you are a preacher, sermonize in favor of the amendment so I’ll know right off that your church is no place for me and mine.

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