Gum Chewing is Evil

I hate chewing gum. More accurately, I hate gum chewing. I have chewed a few sticks of gum in my lifetime and never really saw the attraction. The flavor lasts for only a moment and then you are stuck with a tasteless rubbery blob. Chewing gum makes you look stupid, like some lobotomized mental patient gnawing his own tongue. I sometimes look out at the congregation from the choir and see a number of gum chewers in the pews. They don’t know how idiotic they appear, surely, so much like sheep that the preacher really is a pastor of a flock of mindless ruminants.

And gum chewers seem to be among the most socially irresponsible people on earth if the amount of gum on the sidewalks of New York is any indication. Gum does not seem to be biodegradable, and it mars the walking surfaces of the city. Before it becomes permanently affixed to the pavement, it represents a hazard to pedestrians. Gum chewers also like to leave used gum bombs in movie theaters and under tables. Do they imagine that their sputum infested refuse will be appetizing to subsequent patrons of the restaurants in which they leave their spoor? Do they not pity the poor soul who will be charged with scraping their leavings from the bottoms of theater seats? Is it too much to ask for them to spend a few extra milliseconds to dispose of their cuds properly?

I’ve had the misfortune on more than one occasion of having someone’s discarded gum stick to my pants or my shoe or even my hair. I am tempted next time to have DNA testing done on the gum and to track down the inconsiderate miscreant who left it behind for the unwary. The gum chewers leave their cuds everywhere from urinals to ash trays to crockery. It is a disgusting habit, and I confess that I discriminate against gum chewers based on the irresponsibility of what is probably fewer than 80% of the breed. I reckon some 20% of gum chewers may be decent people after all who have had the ill luck to fall into a bad habit.