Friday, December 23, 2005

Random Thoughts of No Particular Importance

I plan to ponder some mysteries over the upcoming long weekend.

Why don’t Chevron and Texaco hire their own mercenary armies in order to control Nigerian oil rather than having the USG provide security for their plunder? Why don’t Americans make more of a fuss about such subsidies to corporations? The USG appears to be the instrument of Big Oil. That can’t be, can it?

Why must the one plant, the poinsettia, to which I am certainly allergic be everywhere this time of year? It is a Mexican native and almost certainly never grew in Palestine before the 20th Century, so I can’t figure out what it has to do with Christmas.

How did Christmas, which supposedly celebrates the ultimate act of divine grace, become so tied up with obligation? The Wise Men didn’t “exchange” gifts with Jesus. Cards and gifts and, if some “Christmas Warriors” have their way, even greetings are obligatory rather than freely given. It would probably be more meaningful and in keeping with the spirit of Christmas to send cards and give spontaneous gifts on some randomly chosen days other than Christmas.

Why don’t more men join the choirs in their churches? It seems that a shortage of men is all too common. This puts a strain on the few men who already sing in the choir and limits the selections the choir can sing to pieces that more prominently feature women’s voices. Choir is fun, and most choir directors are saints who will gladly help singers who cannot sight read or who, like me, are rhythmically challenged.

Do I need to worry about satellites spying through the skylights in my house? I have been known to walk around au natural from time to time, and I don’t want any Google Earth users to be traumatized.

Why do people keep remaking A Christmas Carol when the Alistair Sims' version is definitive?

What makes a song a "country" song? I was listening to my local country station (WRWD 107.3) the other day, and for the life of me I could not tell what was "country" about some of the selections. It used to be obvious, but so much of it sounds like bad "pop". If I put in some dobro riffs, would that make any song "country".

Is it just me, or does Woody Guthrie sound like he's just making it up as he goes along?

When all the other systems of a starship go off-line all the time, why is it that the artificial gravity never does? Maybe the outfit that makes the gravity system should be retained to work on all the others. Why isn't there an accounting department on a starship?

What's up with the really big pants on young men and teenagers? Don't they just make it harder to flee from the cops?

Why would anyone make a baby wipe that was not flushable?

Was anyone ever really traumatized by toilet training? Can it ever be too soon to start toilet training? Seriously, I think walking around with a pantload every day would be a lot more traumatic than instruction in proper feces disposal.

Why don't mothers breastfeed for three or four years like some foragers do? This would save on baby food, wouldn't it? Is it the teeth thing?

Why is that some drug commercials never tell you what the drug is supposed to do? You're urged to "ask your doctor".

I hope all of you enjoy a wonderful Christmas.

3 comments:

Wally Conger said...

I agree totally that Alastair Sim's A Christmas Carol is the definitive movie version. But my favorite remains the 1962 TV special Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol. I've been watching it annually for 43 years. LOVE IT!!

John Newman said...

Please, Vache, no dobro riffs, please. Merry Christmas.

Steve Scott said...

VF, I share some of your questions. Yes, it seems gifts are expected, try not giving them to anyone. Men are busy working for a living and most don't get home from work before choir practice starts, plus what man wants to sing all those songs tailored to women's voices? I like country, but a good portion of the music isn't country at all and really sucks. When drug mfr's don't tell you what the drug is for, they can legally get away with NOT having to tell you of the side affects like heart attack, blood gushing out everywhere, death, worldwide plague and hang nails. I'm enjoying a wonderful Christmas as I write...