Friday, June 06, 2008

Conditions to Taking the Veep Spot

I would consider being Barry Obama's running mate, but I have some conditions:

1. I don't want to be included in any meetings. I don't want to be a co-president or to be hands on in any way. I just want to fulfill the vast Constitutional powers of the office, and anything more than that is going to cut into my sitting around time.

2. I don't want to bother to preside over the Senate unless there is a high probability that I will have to cast a tie breaking vote. I want some staffer to let me know when that might happen and also to let me know how I'm supposed to vote. I can't be researching legislation and crap all the time, so I'm going to need a team to take care of that for me.

3. I have dibs on the Secret Service code name "McLovin".

4. I don't want to live at the Naval Observatory unless I can use the telescope any time I want for any reason.

5. If I have to go anywhere and give a speech, I want somebody to write it for me and give me a copy with really big font.

6. I will not give press conferences or go on Sunday morning talk shows. Ever. I will go on The Daily Show only, or Stephen Colbert.

7. I won't go anywhere where a flak jacket is advisable.

No comments: