Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Second Worst State in the Union

Which state, other than Texas, is the worst state in the union? I’m talking the one state you would just as soon kick out of the country if it won’t secede willingly. I’ve never been to Kansas or Oklahoma, so I can’t really opine on their merits, but I think a good case can be made that the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is the second worst state. It’s Philly on the right, Steel City on the Left, and Mississippi in the middle.

What’s wrong with Pennsylvania, you ask? It would be easier to list what is right about Pennsylvania: the Amish and the landscape.

Pennsylvania gave us Rick Santorum, and even though they booted him out of office last year, that they would have elected a medieval style authoritarian in the first place speaks volumes about the people of the Commonwealth. That’s just an example of the depravity of Pennsylvanians. Another is the insistence of the people of Erie on spelling “diner” as “dinor”. And what passes for cuisine is barbaric. Pittsburgh style steak is just raw meat waved over a flame for a few seconds. And cheesesteaks are really not all that unless you’re high, in which case they are perfectly edible. The number one tourist attraction? A bell with a crack in it that someone forgot to return under the warranty.

Pennsylvania claims to have ski resorts. It’s a lie, unless by skiing you mean sliding down patches of ice until you slam into some fixed object. Deer hunting? What state doesn’t have deer hunting? You don’t need to go to Pennsylvania to hang out in the woods with hundreds of heavily armed drunks.

I am open to suggestions for second worst state, but my money is on Pennsyltucky.

2 comments:

Steve Scott said...

Oh, that's easy. Southern California. We may have to split in two before this happens. LA smog and freeway system, Dodger fans who show up in the 6th inning and leave in the 5th. Angels fans who view a game as an extension of Disneyland. Ahnold. Hollyweird. San Diego, although I love it, continually boasts (for several decades now) of being "America's finest city." Valley girls. I could go on.

Steve Scott said...

They outnumber us 2:1, so their state legislators view this a license to steal all our resources like water, impose their idiot regulations on us. Freeway traffic jams that stretch for miles at midnight on a weeknight. Dingy, smog corroded buildings and overpasses, graffiti everywhere. Hotels booked up all summer long. Goofy la-la, la-ti-da attitudes. Mickey Mouse lives there, next door to Tommy Lasorda.