If I Were Alec Baldwin...

If I were Alec Baldwin and I had a daughter who was a rude, thoughtless little pig and whose affections for me had been substantially alienated by my shrewish ex-wife, I’d just give up on calling her or visiting her. I’d let it be known that I was available any time she needed me. I’d send a card and gift on birthdays and for Christmas and other occasions, but I’d just quit trying to have a relationship under the conditions imposed by the ex-wife. If your ex-spouse is the custodial parent and aims to alienate the affections of the child from you, there’s nothing you can do about it. The child will be alienated, at least until she grows up and realizes that her mom was to blame. Then you’ll be the favorite parent, and you won’t have had to go through all that parenting crap during adolescence.

I’ve seen this scenario played out hundreds of times. It happened to me as a child. My mother alienated us from our father and made visitation a hellish experience. Eventually the old man just gave up and started a new family. It was probably for the best. Most guys go through the motions of trying to be with their kids after a divorce mainly because of social pressure to be a good father. If it becomes too much of a hassle and it looks as if the kids are suffering because of it, that’s a perfect excuse to stop visiting.

I’ve worked on lots of cases where the mother obstructed visitation just for spite, and I could see how the fathers might get worn down and give up. Some mothers went so far as to make false accusations of sexual abuse, and that really threw a wrench into the fathers’ relationship with the kids. They had to prove they were not child molesters all the while the mothers had the kids full time and could work on them so they would start to think their dads were molesters. It’s usually better for kids to have a relationship with their father, but the benefits can be outweighed by a mother intent on alienating the children from their dad.