Without Wax

Back in the day, pottery vendors would sometimes repair cracked or defective pottery with wax and disguise the repair. Eventually the wax would give out with use, and the vessel would fail. Some merchants began to post placards at their stalls or shops that read “SINE CERA”, i.e. “without wax”. It is from this that we derive our modern word “sincere”. Naturally, every vendor would have to post such a placard whether or not his wares were waxed, because the absence of a placard might be taken to imply the use of wax.

I have sometimes noted a similar practice in the supermarket. One product label will proclaim “Cholesterol Free!” This is true even in the case of products that never had cholesterol, e.g. frozen broccoli. The consumer is then led to believe that the other brands are chock full of artery clogging goo just because they aren’t touted as “Cholesterol Free”. Later, the other brands change their label. I buy all natural chicken, and the label declares that the chicken has not been injected with hormones. I used to think that the other chicken was full of hormones, but I now know that it isn’t. It just never occurred to the vendors to put it on the label. Last week I noticed that my organic chicken had some small print on the label, a footnote to the hormone claim, to wit that federal law prohibits hormones in poultry.

I am waiting for Oscar Mayer to put on its hot dog label “No Fecal Matter”. At least I assume that they can make this claim honestly. Tropicana should brag that its orange juice is “Cat Urine Free”.

Politicians might want to try this out, too. Candidate A could declare that he is “Not in the KKK” or “Never Trolled for Little Boys on the Internet” or some such thing. Let the voters imagine what they will what this means about the opponent.