Biofuels Will Save America

The more I think about the plan to move to biofuels, the more cunning it seems. As corn gets shifted to biofuels, less of it goes into food for both humans and livestock. Accordingly, food, especially fattening carbohydrate snack food and burgers, becomes increasingly expensive. Americans won’t be able to afford to overeat as much and will lose weight. Thinner Americans make for smaller payloads in motor vehicles with a concomitant reduction in fuel consumption. Voila! Energy independence and a victory in the war on obesity in one fell swoop. Now that’s what I call policymaking.

Another benefit is that more young Americans, being thinner, will be more easily whipped into fighting shape to participate in the perpetual war we will be involved in until the Empire collapses.

On the down side, these policies will have some adverse consequences for the budget. Maimed veterans and payments to survivors are costly, and thinner Americans are likely to live longer and strain the Social Security system.