Saturday, September 05, 2009


When someone uses the expression "boots on the ground" with a number to describe an investment in personnel, are we supposed to divide the number by two to get the number of people? I vote that we use the expression only when there's no precise number involved as in "enough boots on the ground" or "more boots on the ground" or "fewer boots on the ground". I also vote that we use the expression sparingly in the context of discussing the importance of land forces in a military undertaking. It should never be used to describe a parade or a crowd.

I really like the expression "true dat". I have been insensibly substituting it in my speech for "tell you what" and "boy howdy". It gives me a more urban edge, don't you think?

If I hear "it is what it is" one more time, I may very well kill someone. What the hell does that even mean? To say that something is what it is is to say less than nothing about it. I have taken to responding to this expression with "or is it?" to which I get befuddled looks. I suspect an insidious Randian influence at work.

I haven't gotten any traction with my campaign to make "smell you later" the preferred farewell phrase. My German agent dropped the ball and failed to introduce it into Europe as I had hoped. I like "see you later" because I get to say "not if I see you first", but "smell you later" would really rock.

I had a friend in university who responded to "how are you" with "better than most and not as good as some". I reckon there is a social compact that dictates that the response to "how are you" should invariably be "fine, and you", but there are many folks who didn't get the memo and who insist on describing their minor ailments and complaints. This forces me to pretend to care. I have taken to offering radical advice on how to deal with the complaints, and I hope that this will provide a disincentive to the whiners (as I call them in my head). Maybe I'll answer "how are you" truthfully and see how it goes. "How are you, Vache?" "Pretty good except for persistent scrotal and perineal itching, and you?"

I have not had the opportunity to use "see you in hell" in conversation in years or to have it directed at me. What a shame.

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