A Program to Fix the Bush Presidency

1. Admit that the debacle in Iraq has become unmanageable and that you are powerless to do anything about it. Heck, face it, your entire reign has been an unmitigated disaster for everyone except some defense contractors and other fatcats.

2.Do you know why? There is a power greater than yourself at work here. It’s called reality. Stuff happens out in the universe despite all your plans and wishes and the dreams of the neo-cons. Embrace this reality and come a step closer to sanity. Trying to make your own reality is part of the craziness that you are suffering from. This is where you get on board with withdrawing the troops from Iraq. They can’t do any good there, so every day that you delay withdrawal just means that much more blood and treasure squandered.

3. Turn your life and will over to the care of God, and be cognizant of His creation and the way it works (that reality thing again). Use the sense of reason that God gave you, or, at a minimum, surround yourself with some folks who know how to reason. You’re going to have to purge your whole cabinet and senior staff. You need voices of reason to help you coordinate the withdrawal and to mitigate the aftermath.

4. This is going to be real hard for you, but you need to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself. You have done many bad things. Don’t blame Dick Cheney. Sure, he’s evil and all, but you didn’t have to listen to him. You were responsible. You were the freaking Decider.

5. Admit to God, to yourself, and to others the exact nature of your wrongs. Here’s a hint as to where to start: fearmongering, warmongering, murder, torture, oath breaking, beggaring the treasury, betraying the public trust, and defiling your office (I didn’t even think this was possible, but you did it).

6. Be ready to have God remove all your defects of character. It’s hard to face that your entire personality has to be overhauled, but you’ve got to accept this as a necessity.

7. Ask God to remove your shortcomings.

8. Make a list of all persons you have harmed, and be willing to make amends to them all. In your case, just make a list of the people you have NOT harmed. That will save time.

9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. This means, among other things, that you don’t get to raid the treasury to make your amends. They are your amends, not the taxpayers’ amends.

10. Continue to take personal inventory and when wrong promptly admit it.

11. Pray and meditate continually seeking knowledge of God’s will and the strength to carry it out. I recommend the Sermon on the Mount as a good basis for meditation.

12. Share your insights with other power mad politicians and practice the principles you have learned in all your affairs. Having done this, you may at last be fit to be President. Unfortunately, your term will have ended. But you may yet become a statesman whose legacy may be one of redemption. Otherwise, your legacy will be at best to serve as a cautionary example.