Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Death to Tailgaters

BW Richardson posts about drivers who tailgate http://bwrmontag.blogspot.com/2006/03/risky-investments.html. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. There is simply no good reason ever to drive right on the bumper of the vehicle in front of you. There is no margin for error, and you are apt to get yourself and others killed.

My Idiot Brother in Law drives this way. He is always right on top of the car ahead of him, and I refuse to be his passenger. He does this because he (a) is an idiot, and (b) suffers from some kind of autism that renders him incapable of realizing the potential consequences of his actions, and (c) is an inconsiderate a**hole. He is not alone on the highways.

I prefer to maintain a reasonable distance between my vehicle and the car ahead of me so that I can react to unexpected events, and this has saved me from accidents on numerous occasions, especially when the car ahead of me is tailgating. This well conceived plan runs into difficulties when the car behind me is right on my bumper and cannot react to my unexpected braking or maneuvers, and I have been hit from behind even when successfully avoiding trouble ahead.

If you are tailgating me, I consider it an act of assault. You are endangering my life, and I would be morally justified in using force to get you to back off. I sometimes fantasize about a death ray mounted in the rear of my car. I don’t have one of these yet, so I use more passive methods to defend myself. Whenever anyone tailgates me, I gradually reduce speed consistent with safety until the offending driver passes me. If necessary, I will reduce speed to 5 miles per hour. Also, I activate my hazard lights and keep them on until the tailgater passes me or backs off.

Even if you are tailgating others, I consider you a jerk and an antisocial menace. You are the jackass who ties up traffic on my commute once or twice a week with your completely avoidable accidents. You create unnecessary stress and make all our lives a little less pleasant by virtue of your miserable existence. You reflect badly on your parents who are doubtless ashamed that they raised up such an inconsiderate b**tard. If you are a tailgater, you are probably a worthless waste of space in other aspects of your life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Greetings Vache Folle

Your rant on tailgaters amused me immensely.

As it happens, I was tailgated today on my scooter by one of the aforementioned mad b**tards in your article. I live in France and tailgating seems to be an obession with a disproportionately high number of my usually well-educated Gallic cousins.

Doing 55mph on a 60mph road in the slow lane is no sin, to be sure. My tailgating buddy appeared to think otherwise. So I touched on my brakes and accelerated to ward him off. He just came back and did the same thing, however.

I shook my head When the guy eventually passed me, and waited until he was in front and tapped my forehead à la française. No middle finger, no verbal insults, just a muted expression of my anger.

So what did the connard do next?? He braked in front of me and slowed to about 30mph, gesticulating for me to overtake him, traffic building up behind me. A complete and utter raving headcase.

What I have learned, though, is that as you say, these guys are a dangerous waste of space on and off the road, so they're best left alone. OK, I shouldn't have reacted by braking or gesticulating. That just spurred him on.

The question that remains, however, is this: how can we get these idiots off our bumpers? I was already in the slow lane and going at a decent speed.

It's beyond me.

Yours exasperatedly

Edna Million