Kennels For All

If I have to live in a statist world, I think I should get some of the benefits. I should be able to compel other people to subsidize my hobbies in the same way they force me to subsidize theirs. I propose, therefore, that the government establish and maintain at public expense a system of public kennels with free dog training services. This would save us considerable expense in that we would no longer need a dog walker and could now afford training. We are currently homeschooling our dogs and are not making as much progress in training as we would like.

The public would benefit as well, and this is why the public should gladly foot the bill. Just a few of the public benefits:

• Everyone would be better off if all dogs were trained. This would reduce bites, inappropriate deposits of feces, destruction of property, and forays into garbage receptacles, for example. Moreover, society would have the benefit of more trained watch dogs with a concomitant reduction in crime. This benefit would ensue as the public kennels would be mandatory for all dogs under 16.
• Having dogs in the public kennel would facilitate surveillance of their families by the state, as the kennel staff would be able to note any signs of abuse or neglect and report this to the authorities.
• Worker productivity of dog owners would be enhanced since they would worry less about their dogs being at home alone and since they would be happier folks all around, what with having those well trained dogs and all.
• Dogs would be better socialized as they would be spending more time with other diverse breeds of dogs, and they would become better diversity-appreciating canine citizens as a consequence.
• Public kennels might serve as a center of community and would present an opportunity for public spirited citizens to serve their collectives. Moreover, everyone knows that it takes a village to raise a dog, and the public kennels would simply be a convenient means for folks to do what they ought to be doing for their dog owning neighbors.
• Society would be certain that dogs were being trained properly as even folks who decide to homeschool their dogs would have to meet government standards.

Of course, we will need some kind of mechanism to make sure that all dogs in all districts get the same education and that dogs are not stuck in failing kennels. We would have to have a "Leave No Dog's Behind" program. Also, it may be necessary to bring dogs from poor neighborhoods to schools in rich neighborhoods, and vice versa, to get a good mix and to minimize disparity in quality.