I Clarify My Military Record

I did not mean to imply that I was a Medal of Honor recipient on account of my service in Desert Storm. I meant to stay that I was an honor student and received a medal for exceptional work as a student of history while at Dug Gap Elementary School long before Desert Storm. I did not receive any kind of medal for my actual service in Desert Storm. I spent part of Desert Storm and Desert Shield on active duty and contributed, I like to think, in my small way to the glorious victory of our troops, some of whom may have had wills and powers of attorney drafted by me, thereby relieving them of worries about their estates and allowing them to focus on their combat or combat support duties.

I was not "in theatre" during Desert Storm, but I was in "a theatre" in Harrisburg watching a movie one evening on a break from my duties at Fort Indiantown Gap, so I can see where folks might have gotten the wrong idea when I mentioned that I was in [a] theatre during the campaign.

At the time, I was domiciled in Florida, so the Harrisburg area was, in fact, "far from the comforts of home and concerned loved ones". I did not mean to imply that I was in the Middle East. I have never been to the Middle East. I may have mispronounced Middle Earth where I was often present in my imagination during marathon sessions of D&D. I fought side my side with Rammer, my elven warrior half brother, and a band of brothers not unlike the soldiers in the HBO miniseries of that name, except for the part about not really being in any danger. I fear that a lot of folks confused my waxing nostalgic for my days as Schlonak, the half elf wizard, in Middle Earth with my service in Desert Storm in the Middle East, where I never was. I regret any misconceptions that people may have had about this.

It happened that my two weeks of annual active duty coincided with Desert Shield and the first days of Desert Storm, and I was involved in getting soldiers ready to be deployed. When I said that I didn't like to talk about the war and my part in it, I was not trying to imply that it was terrible and frightening, only that it was really boring.