Tuesday, February 23, 2010

An Open Letter to Commode Designers

Dear Commode Designers:

I have some user comments on a couple of commode designs I have encountered recently, and I hope they will help you make improvements.

The commodes in the men's locker room at my gym have completely round bowls and seats, and when I sit on them it is very difficult to cause the openings in both my anus and my penis to be situated over the target area. If I sit back enough to clear the way for urine, I will poop on the seat, and if I place the poop chute over the target area, the urine flow will be directed onto my feet and my trousers that are resting on them. I have to stretch my "nozzle" uncomfortably and point it to make sure that the urine flow is direted to the target area. This is not a good design. If I were any bigger I would be unable to shit and pee at the same time.

The commodes in one of the men's rooms at the Minneapolis Airport feature a lip inside the bowl at the front which directs urine flow upward and outward and onto one's clothing, the floor, even the door of the stall. This is a bad feature. Did you even try this design before you submitted it?

Public commodes in the third world inevitably end up without seats. I don't know why this is so or what the seat thieves are doing with them or whether the manufacturers just don't include seats in sales to the third world. Whatever. Make a third world commode that doesn't require a seat or force you to perform feats of contortion that require major development of the quads and that would challenge a yogi. You'll probably get a Nobel Prize if you do this. Mention me in your speech.

I hope this helps.

Sincerely yours,

Vache Folle


b-psycho said...

Another problem I've noticed: sometimes there's toilets where, due to the shape of the bowl, if you don't remain hunched forward at all times then the tip of your dick touches that nasty lower inner-lip area. That's just wrong...

Kevin Carson said...

It's the same problem in any situation where the consumer doesn't buy a product for his own use: it's designed by one corporate bureaucracy for sale to another corporate bureaucracy, with no real mechanism for feedback from the end-user.