Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Useful Stool Chart

In looking up some information about diarrhea, I came upon this highly useful chart in Wikipedia:



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diarrhea
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Chart

Now when I want to talk about my stools (as I surely will as I get older), I will be able to refer to type number rather than getting into a detailed description. Today and for the last several days, type 7 has been my lot, and I read in Wikipedia that this could be due to cholera. I have diagnosed myself with fructose malabsorption brought on by fruit juice and an excess of bad white wine from a box. Oh well. It is what it is.

Over twenty years ago, I consulted a nutritionist to help me combat hypercholesterolemia with which I had been diagnosed at that time. She gave me good advice and told me that I could track my progress by examining my stool production. The object was to eat in such a manner as to result in the production of the "perfect stool". I remember right, we were going for a type 3. In addition, it had to float, be a light brown in color, and break up during flushing. It took months, but one day I achieved stool perfection. I let out a whoop and called Mrs Vache Folle to come and admire my masterpiece. She not only declined to take a gander at el perfecto, but she would not even let me take a picture of it for my scrapbook. I reckon that her pooh-poohing of my achievement back then led me to go off my healthy diet and to return to my bad eating habits. That's the ticket. It's Mrs VF's fault that I am overweight and have maintained the diet of a puma for most of the last two decades. I am blameless. She should have supported me in my hobby.

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